Rise from the Ashes

When was the last time that you gave yourself a pat on the back? Or how about, the last time you told yourself that you were proud of yourself? Do not over think either of those questions and if you don't know the answer to either of them, that is ok, that is absolutely ok. I want you to do something for me, right this moment, stop what you're doing, stand in front of a mirror, or pull of the front camera on your phone and tell yourself, "I am proud of you". "I believe in you". Make sure you keep your eyes open; I want you to look yourself in the eyes and say that to yourself, over and over. You don't have to believe it today, but I want you to say this to yourself every time you look into a mirror.

Now, think about the most painful trauma that you have in your life, I know this can be painful, it is for me, but I want you to do this next step with me. Think of that trauma, whatever it was, big or small, I don't want you to dwell on it, just let it pop into your head for a moment. Smile, I want you to smile, even with that trauma in your mind, smile. Why? I want you to look at where you are, right at this moment, not the exact physical location of your body (talking to you M.J.W.); but emotionally, spiritually, and the fact that you woke up this morning. Be thankful and grateful for the journey you endured to get to where you are today, even if it isn't the exact place you want to be.

This isn't really a story time, but more of a "I am grateful" . I used to think that my trauma's defined who I was, that I would be stuck in that mindset forever, no matter what I did. It seemed to be one negative thing after another, and every single time (it felt like) something good would happen, a negative would follow tenfold. It felt like a vicious, never-ending cycle, that medication nor therapy seemed to put a dent in. My circle of friends kept getting smaller and smaller and it felt like my world was closing in around me, like I was suffocating, struggling to stay afloat out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. For my children, I held on, I took a breath, again and again and started to breathe, and I could feel myself getting stronger, I was swimming towards the shore. It didn't matter if I knew what direction to go, all that mattered was that I was swimming.

I will never say that I am grateful for my traumas, what I am, is grateful for who I became and who I have allowed to be in my circle. My counselor has truly been amazing, and last week I accepted a challenge; pull out and focus on anything positive that came out of my traumas.

I am grateful and so thankful for:

-My children, first and foremost and always.

-Being believed in, trusted, empowered.

-Opportunities for my children that neither of us could have ever imaged or dreamed of.

-Friendships and companionships

S.C., Andrea, Melissa, Chris, M.J.W., Matthew, J.R., V.M., Mike, K.H., M.R.P., S.D., J.L. E.B., J.S., R.N., K.C., T.J., without you, I am honestly not sure where I would be. From helping me move my family halfway across this huge state, to being an ear and a shoulder, front porch late night talks, to random TikTok shares and dirty office jokes, you all have done so much for me, for us. Thank you will never be enough. You all have given me hope, motivation, determination, drive, confidence, shown me compassion and so much more. Some of you have been around since the very beginning and you haven't once left my side, one of you was stolen from us too soon, but you lit up the sky with happiness and love while you walked on this Earth, others have been recent additions to my circle and I will forever be grateful for you, and I truly hope that we remain in each other's lives for as long as life allows. If times change us and we go our separate ways, I pray that we change for the better and look back and say, "Thank you for being in my life", I know I will; because with you in my life, you have lifted me and helped me rise up to shine.