19 days straight and "on call" for this weekend; I am beat (to put it nicely). If you're in the military, you know that feeling all too well, especially if you're in the National Guard on AGR. It can be both rewarding and absolutely exhausting, but the memories and friendships that are built, the comradery, is what makes it worth it (in my opinion). I have made some of the best friends from my 18 years in the military, and if you've read any of my blogs, I've also had some of the worst experiences.
Now that I've addressed that let's move on to the topic of this blog. First, ladies, we need to do better, absolutely f*cking better. This putting each other down and talking sh*t nonsense has gone on long enough. Making snarky comments under your breath (but loud enough for others to hear) about your Soldier when they drop off a quarters slip, "f*cking lazy, must be nice to always get out of sh*t." is completely unacceptable. Like why?!? There was no rhyme or reason for it; all it did was amplify and add to the inevitable EO complaint. Next, I get that you are in a happy relationship with someone who… let's just say, is a narcissistic, egotistical jackass with a God complex; however, allowing him to bash his baby momma on social media, allowing him, no, encouraging him, to make up lies about her is on a whole other level. I get it; he makes you happy, congratulations. But let me ask you this: How can you, as a mother, allow him to say the things he does about his baby momma? What if your ex was doing that to you!? And when another female, who knows him and his baby momma, speaks up against what he is saying, you bash her?!!? Especially when she spoke truthfully about him and his behavior regarding his child and baby momma. All you did was prove that you are just as bad as he is. And if you want to defend your man and claim that it wasn't directed toward anyone, THEN WHY DID HE MAKE THE POST PUBLIC FOR EVERYONE TO SEE? That right there screams, "I want to publicly bash my baby momma."
Second, men… all I can say is WTF for real. You all need to do better, especially the sperm donors. I say it like that for a reason. It takes a special kind of man to step up and be a father, and for those who do, my hat is off to you, and I am extremely grateful to you. Keep doing what you're doing; it does not go unnoticed. I get that you and your baby momma fell apart, and there are always three sides to every story. I am not saying it is always your fault; however, in this particular situation, it is. You made the choices and left her to raise your child alone (and she is killing it; btw-it's evident in how happy the child is and how they are thriving). It really speaks volumes about the kind of person/man you are when all you want to do is publicly bash your baby momma, make up lies, and try to prove that she is unfit. Do you not remember that YOU LEFT?! That is was YOU who decided you didn't want to be a part of your child's life? It was YOU who went more than three years without so much as a word to your child, not even to ask how they are doing. Yet, your baby momma is the bad parent who shouldn’t have custody? She is the one who needs mental health help because she is crazy? With the amount of stress you are putting on her, it's no wonder she isn't crazy! She is holding strong and doing an amazing job, making sure that your child is taken care of and that she is thriving and happy. What have you done to help?!?
Men, police up your people and just do better.
We all need to do better, especially men and women. We are all human beings, and no matter how we identify, we should support each other and lift each other up. It takes a special kind of soul to be that person, but it only takes one to bring everyone back down. So, instead of allowing that type of behavior to thrive, why not rally together and support each other?!? It shouldn't matter what our differences are; respect doesn't need to involve opinions; in fact, respect should not involve opinions at all. We need to be a village; we need to support each other and rally behind each other. It takes a village to raise children (whether a single parent or not), so let's be that village!
Now, let's talk about boundaries. If a child sets boundaries for themselves and makes those boundaries known, RESPECT THEM. The fact that a child has even set boundaries speaks highly not only of themselves but of the parent who taught them that. Think of it like this: "If you have to tell your child to cover up because Aunt Doris or Uncle Jeb is coming over, the problem is Aunt Doris and Uncle Jeb, and they shouldn't be coming over anymore." I know the saying is "Blood is thicker than water," and in reality, yes, it is, but that does not mean I am going to be forced or force my child to accommodate Uncle Jeb. Just because someone is family does not mean they are automatically forgiven or given a pass on everything and anything, even if they are on their deathbed; FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU, NOT THEM. Family should be held to a higher standard, if anything. I am not and will not ever force my children into a situation where they feel uncomfortable, no matter who it is. My daughter has set boundaries, and if her father does not respect those boundaries or crosses those boundaries, any attempt at reconciliation is over, and she has made it known. That is what we should be encouraging our children to do: set boundaries, and for those who can't accept or respect them, "Bye, Felicia." It really is that simple. Before you come at me, I always have and will always encourage my daughter to talk to her father. She knows my feelings towards him and about the situation, but at the end of the day, I know he loves her in his own way, and it is for her to decide if she wants to allow him to be a part of her life. There is nothing wrong with this, either. She should have boundaries; she should be able to use her voice and yell from the mountaintops. No child, no girl, no boy, no woman or man should ever be silenced. Our voices give us power; our voices are what empower others, so let's use our voices and advocate for what is right and not for the norm because the norm is what breaks us.
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